Illinois Passes Legislation To Establish Barack Obama Day
Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner has signed a plan to honor former President Barack Obama, and it involves establishing August 4th as a day to honor the former community organizer who fundamentally transformed the nation.
The new measure will not be an official state holiday because state officials are concerned about what another paid holiday would mean to the already unsustainable budget crisis that they are currently facing.
From adding a whopping 32% income tax hike onto a population that is already struggling to deal with the other insidious Liberal ideas, such as Chicago’s obscene soda tax, to establishing a day out of the year to honor Barack Hussein Obama, Illinoisans can rest easy knowing that their politicians are working hard to make their lives better.
Although Obama Day will not be an official state holiday, it’s still fun to come up with activities that can be done to honor such an esteemed American citizen.
Here are a few suggestions that we came up with that would honor and provide some remembrance of what we are missing now that Obama is no longer throwing his feet up onto the Resolute Desk:
On August 4th, Obama Day, we could use an alias to send communications to the secret, private email server that the Secretary of State is using, and then later claim that we had no idea that such a server even existed.
On August 4th, Obama Day, we could negotiate the release of an American soldier, who is alleged to have voluntarily deserted his post and possibly tried enlisting with the enemy, in exchange for five high-ranking terrorist leaders, some of whom have been suspected as having returned to the battlefield after their release.
On August 4th, Obama Day, we could make knee-jerk reactions about any stories that involve interactions with a black male and a person of authority. We could say, “The cops acted stupidly…” or we could say, “If I had a son, he would look like Trayvon.” Then we could sit back and wonder why race relations in the United States seem to be deteriorating to levels that we have not seen since the Democrats went to war to keep black people as slaves.
On August 4th, Obama Day, we could lie to the American people about a signature piece of legislation that we want to pass, promising that it will save every family $2,500, and then ensure that such a piece of legislation passes through Congress without any members reading or debating it. Then we could appoint a solicitor general with no judicial experience, who sent giddy emails about the passage of our legislation, to the Supreme Court to decide whether or not our legislation is constitutional or not.
On August 4th, Obama Day, we could celebrate all of the jobs that we have created “or saved” in the United States. If you have a job on Obama Day, you can thank Obama for “saving” it.
On August 4th, Obama Day, we could double the number of people in America who are dependent on food stamps, refuse to enforce the nation’s borders, and appoint a Secretary of State who cackles as she recounts how she came, she saw, and a world leader was killed.
On August 4th, Obama Day, we could send tacky gifts to foreign leaders. We could, perhaps, send to the Queen of England, an iPod that is preloaded with photos of us and speeches given by us.
On August 4th, Obama Day, we could pull all of the American soldiers out of Iraq, and call anyone who says that’s only going to invite terrorists to fill the vacuum left behind conspiracy theorists and Right-Wing extremists.
On August 4th, Obama Day, we could disregard one of the worlds largest and farthest reaching terrorist organizations, ISIS, as nothing more than a bunch of amateurs. Then, we could say that these amateurs are not only contained, but they are weakening, just one day before they launch the largest terrorist attack on French soil.
On August 4th, Obama Day, we could, without notifying Congress or the American people, send a pallet full of cash ($400 million) to Iran, deliver it in the middle of the night on an unmarked jet, and pick up political prisoners as soon as we deliver the cash. Then, if somebody finds out about it, eight months later, we can quickly try to say that we were simply paying off a decades old debt and that it was simply a coincidence that we were picking up political prisoners on the same darkened Iranian runway that we were delivering a literal pallet of cash.
On August 4th, Obama Day, we could give the American people the somber news that an American journalist was just beheaded by terrorists, and then immediately go to Martha’s Vineyard for some golf.
The list of fun activities to on August 4th, Obama Day, are endless. Let us know what annual traditions you plan on starting to celebrate this historic day.
Source: Fox News
Source: Daily Wire